Let's Chat: Social Media and Phone Addiction
Hey ya’ll! Thanks for joining me on this fine Wednesday again. This week’s thoughts are about social media and phone addiction. I know I know. So much has already been written on this topic, but hopefully you will find something fresh in here.
While writing this essay, I looked at my phone many times. I checked texts, Whatsapp, IG, dating apps, scrolled Instagram, perused emails, read through tweets, checked out Reddit, googled stuff, and who the fuck knows what else. I check this stupid little box every day before going to bed, and every morning when I wake up. I feel a degree of anxiety when I’ve misplaced it, and I would never travel without it.
As they say, “art imitates life,” and I am certainly in the percentage of people who are addicted to their phones. I probably wouldn’t have written about this topic at all if that weren’t the case. One of the reasons I wanted to write on this topic however, was to help me process this addiction and bring it into the light (rather than simply feel ashamed of it), and offer the possibility of a different relationship to it.
My smartphone, and my participation on social platforms, has become an extension of me (of many, maybe most, of us). And many of us know why this is bad because there’s been so many studies about how excess screen time/use of socials has been linked to things like increased levels of depression and anxiety, poor sleep quality, decreased memory retention, burnout, and even more. We know this stuff, but it’s still a difficult habit to break. Part of the difficulty is that these platforms are literally designed to be addictive, and another part of it is that, though there can be negative consequences, we must also acknowledge that these platforms are pretty awesome…
What I mean to say is the situation is nuanced. As much as I can personally recognize how my phone negatively affects me, there are also so many things that I truly love about it. I love that it makes it easier to stay in contact with friends. I love that I can ask it any question I’m curious about and get an answer. I love that I can read and watch content that will inspire me, or make me laugh. I love sharing what I’m experiencing, and then in the future being able to look back at those logs. I love, on unknown roads, that it ensures I will not get lost. I love its ability to spread information about important causes.
I’m trying my best to have a healthier relationship with my phone and social media, but it’s a process. My addiction started young, and there are years of conditioning I need to unpack. Choosing to face an addiction, and deciding that you want a different life for yourself, takes a lot of practice and patience. If we believe that another way is possible though — we’re already ahead of the game.
Connection: Anywhere You Are
Last week I was on Instagram and saw that one of my friend’s was visiting Paris for the first time, and she had posted a picture with a comment about how the Eiffel Tower was actually pretty ugly. I thought this was funny, and we had a mini conversation about it. My parents, who have friends and family all over the world, regularly use Whatsapp to keep in touch with those connections. On dating apps, which show you fellow daters around your radius, a chat box is created once a “match” is achieved.
I think you know what I’m getting at here but, these days, communication is instant. It doesn’t matter if someone is next door or 10,000 miles away — as long as there is an internet connection — you can communicate with anyone. The instantaneous nature of it all is truly remarkable, but it’s easy to take it for granted since we’re so used to it. This ease of communication has undoubtedly helped society achieve faster progress but simultaneously, it has also bred much disconnection. It’s the existential question of our time: is more connection something that will bring humanity closer, or something that will push us farther apart?
From Letter Writing to Instant Messaging
Human beings are social creatures, and our social nature is what has helped us to survive for thousands of years. We have an innate need to bond with others, to give and to receive love, and it has long been a human desire to communicate with those who are not right in front of us.
“According to the testimony of ancient historian Hellanicus, the first recorded handwritten letter was written by Persian Queen Atossa, around 500 BC” (Tomshinsky, 2013, p. 112)”
People used to have to wait weeks or months for letters to arrive (and sometimes they didn’t arrive at all). We’ve come a long way since that first recorded letter. Fast forwarding quite a lot — instant messaging was first invented in the 1970s. It was at first only used by the U.S. government for emergency purposes but then, like most technologies, eventually seeped into the general public. The tipping point was around the late 90’s/early 2000’s when instant messaging really exploded, and companies such as AOL, Apple, MySpace, Facebook, and Google all rolled out instant messengers. In present day, it’s difficult to imagine how the world would even function without them. We use messengers to catch up with people, to collaborate with coworkers, to communicate while gaming, to reach customer service teams, and much more.
I remember first using AOL (AIM) instant messaging when I was in fourth grade. I added all of my classmates to my “Friends” list, and would chat with people after school and on weekends. AIM was definitely where my addiction to social platforms first began. I’ve been integrated with this type of technology for many years, and it’s frankly anxiety-inducing to imagine a world where I would have to wait weeks or months to get a reply from someone (I can guess that it made past people a lot more patient though!)
Addiction By Design
In 2020, Netflix released the documentary, The Social Dilemma, wherein former employees at various tech giants attempted to sound the alarm on the dangerous impacts of social networks. They were keenly aware of the risks (because they helped design them). One of the quotes that haunted me after watching it came from Edward Tufte, a statistician and professor at Yale University, who said:
“There are only two industries that call their customers ‘users’: illegal drugs and software.” — Tufte, 2020
Social media platforms, and the way that they affect our brains, has a lot in common with gambling (and that’s by design). The Addiction Center notes that these platforms “produce the same neural circuitry that is caused by gambling and recreational drugs to keep consumers using their products as much as possible.”
It’s advantageous for tech companies to make their platforms more addictive because we live under capitalism, and there is profit to be made from addiction. We’ve seen this countless times before — from nicotine to opioids to social media — I can promise you that all these companies were very aware of the addictiveness of their products long before they were called out for it. Unfortunately, money often speaks much louder than the drive to care for humanity.
“There are whole departments trying to design their systems to be as addictive as possible. They want you to be permanently online and by bombarding you with messages and stimuli try to redirect your attention back to their app or webpage.” (Kruger, Ph.D., M.S., 2018, University of Michigan)
Social media is a constant dopamine machine, and this creates a slippery slope inside the brain. When one receives “likes,” more followers, or just notifications, much like drug addiction, dopamine (the feel good hormone) is released inside the brain. This can create a feedback loop where people feel psychologically rewarded for their behaviors, and that’s why they keep engaging with them.
It doesn’t matter that the reward is rarely as gratifying as one hopes — it’s about pulling the slot machine again. If you just keep using it, you hope, there will be a reward eventually. The dopamine benefits are very fleeting, and there is tons of research out there that demonstrates, without a shred of doubt, that excess social media use leads people to feel worse about themselves due to things like comparing their natural (and imperfect) selves to the filtered, “perfect” versions of others.
Overuse of social platforms also affects the development of social interaction skills, especially in young people who are still developing. It’s a basic fact of life that online chat does not always translate the way that it would in person. A study in the American Journal of Preventative Medicine, found that people with high social media use were more likely to feel socially isolated than their counterparts who use social platforms far less. We also have less close friends than we used to. It can be complicated to know if this is a chicken or egg situation though. Do people feel more isolated because they use social media, or do they gravitate towards social media in the first place because they feel isolated?
Did you hear that? Oh wait sorry, I thought I heard my phone buzz, but there’s no notification… There’s a name for this shit by the way — “Phantom Vibration Syndrome” — and it has an entire Wikipedia page about it. There’s also “NOMOPHOBIA” (no mobile phone phobia) which refers to people who fear being detached from mobile connectivity. It’s crazy to see that things like instant messaging and social media have gotten such a hold on our culture that there are now psychological terms related to it.
The End of Endings
Much like a slot machine, there is no end. In the early days of Facebook and Instagram there were endings. You would read and look through your friend’s statuses and photos for the day, and then that was it. There was nothing else to see, so you logged off. All major social media platforms have effectively removed endings from us because, these days, the scroll never ends.
The amount of ads we are bombarded with is also insidious. And here’s the thing: they’ve gotten really good at it. I’m going to be honest: I have, on several occasions, purchased things that were targeted to me online. Targeted ads work, and sometimes I like them because they help me find what I’m looking for, but it’s also unsettling to know that these companies have such hyper specific data about me. When I purchase things that I see from targeted advertising, I feel some joy at having found something that I like, but also a chilling reminder that I’ve now given these companies more information.
So What Do We Do?
Look babe, I’m trying to figure that out too, but I can share some thoughts. I think we need to remember that we are the ones who own our lives. We can choose how we want to spend our time, and we shouldn’t feel like our time is being stolen from us. When I notice my addiction rearing it’s ugly head, my initial reflex is to shame myself for being a lazy piece of shit who can’t help but be sucked in (and who slacks on responsibilities because of it).
This is why it’s so important to practice patience and compassion for oneself when confronting this addition (or any addiction for that matter). Instead of shaming myself, I try to remind myself that I’m doing my best, and that my conditioning runs deep. I tell myself that the simple act of trying to reduce and achieve a healthier relationship with my phone means I’m already on the path to getting there.
Look guys: we’ve become so interconnected with this kind of technology, and it isn’t going away anytime soon. It will take time for us to build healthier habits around it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible! For some people, the solution is to “live off the grid.” I’m sure that can work for a few people but I think for most of us, learning how to adapt to our world in healthier ways is the more accessible way to go. I don’t foresee myself ever completely disconnecting from technology, because I do find so much of it useful, but I know that we can completely change our relationship to it. And when we do, we will own our time again.
As always, thank you for being here, and I’ll see ya next Wednesday! 🥰