I Hugged A Stranger, And I Can't Stop Thinking About It

Hello my loves. This week’s video is about loneliness. It’s a very topical issue considering all the research constantly coming out about how people in society are getting lonelier and more isolated from one another. I feel so fortunate that, in this current season of my life, I rarely feel lonely. I know this is a very fortunate position to be in, and it’s not something I take for granted.

And a big reason why is because I’ve had some pretty lonely seasons of life. Times where I’ve felt like I was alone in the universe and had no one to talk to. I wanted to make a video that (I hope) will be helpful to people currently going through this. What has helped me the most in this journey is to recognize that everybody on this planet craves connection. We are all emotional creatures who require love and belonging, and it’s extremely painful when it feels like we don’t have that.

Last week, after I finished shooting this video, my friend Jen asked me if I wanted to join her for a beach day. I immediately said yes. Although the official start of Summer is still several weeks away, the weather forecast looked promising and, unless I’m busy, I will gladly seize any opportunity to spend time with friends.

We spent the day enjoying the warm sun, the sound of crashing waves, the salt scented air, and observing the characters that fill public life. Jen and I watched many different people on the beach and imagined out loud what their stories might be.

An old man in suspenders walked into our purview and Jen said, “wow, that man looks so much like my grandpa,” and then he passed another man who Jen said even more incredulously, “and that guy looks like my dad!”

The dad look-alike began to cry. We watched him look out into the sea, body trembling and his hand covering the bottom half of his face. We watched him for some time. I understood; I’ve cried in public during my own difficult life moments.

It happened so fast but, before I knew it, I was standing up. It was like a force beyond me took over and moved me into action. I wanted to give this man a hug. I couldn’t even believe my own body as I told Jen I was going to walk over to him. I stumbled down the uneven ground to where he stood, right on the line where the waves glazed the sand.

“Hello?” I said shyly as he turned towards me.

I continued, “I just wanted to come over and see if you were okay. I feel like I want to give you a hug.”

I could not believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. I was sure I sounded insane.

He looked at me with a scrunched face and said, “What? I’m alright. Why would you think that?”

I’m sure my face turned beet red at this moment. How could I be so stupid? He was a stranger! Maybe he hadn’t actually been crying after all and I was just some weirdo making a really incorrect assumption. I panicked and tried to make my exit.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought you looked a little sad…I’m so sorry.”

I began to turn my body away and then he said quickly, “but we can hug! I think it will help both of us.”

And then we did.

As we broke from the embrace, I saw his face soften and his eyes crinkle into a kind smile. I said, “it’s going to be okay.”

He thanked me and then we waved goodbye to one another.

I returned to Jen and I’s beach tent and immediately said, “my GOD that was awkward. He must have thought I was crazy! I can’t believe I just did that.”

We talked at length about the exchange and, with tears rolling down her face, Jen told me that I had just hugged her dad. Watching me with this stranger, she saw me do something that she wished she had been able to do in the past.

I told her about how he had acted confused when I first approached him, and how I started to doubt what we had seen. Jen said that that was something her dad would do as well. I felt relieved that we had both seen this man. If not for another witness, I’d probably still be questioning what my eyes had seen that day. But even if I hadn’t had a witness, this man accepting a hug was perhaps all the confirmation I needed.

It became somewhat of a running joke for the rest of the day. I would say, “hey Jen, remember when I hugged your dad?”

But it was so beyond that. It was like our destinies were intertwined at that moment because we both grew from the experience. Since then, I’ve reflected on this moment and have remembered how this exchange was perhaps not so new to me. When I was a child, I remember being the type of person who would approach other children who looked sad or left out. It came naturally to me.

But at some point, I stopped. I can’t remember when exactly, but I suppose the world began to harden me. I feared approaching strangers and worried about angering or bothering people with my care. Going up to this man, and sharing that moment of connection, I was reconnected with some of the tenderest parts of me, and it felt good to share them.

Only a day after this occurred, Jen was on a date when she spotted a woman on a bench sobbing by herself. Perhaps because of our prior day, she felt compelled to check on this person. Jen found out that she was a teenager having prom drama, and that she was upset with her mom for being an uncool parent and embarrassing her in front of her friends. Jen comforted this teen for about half an hour until her tears stopped. Her mother ended up being nearby and thanked Jen for helping her daughter.

It’s astounding how much myself and Jen were immediately affected by our day at the beach. Now, let me be clear, I’m not going to suddenly walk around hugging and comforting every stranger that I see, but the experience left a strong impact on me.

It reminded me that so many of us are suffering in isolation and that we can be each other’s angels. At the end of the day, that man was completely right. The hug did help both of us. A hug can’t save the world, but I do think the buildup of many small moments of connection can.

Unbeknownst to me, Jen captured the moment.